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【9月21-22日雅思全真??肌拷處熓痉都皩W生例卷批改——寫作篇!
2019-09-24 17:46   作者:新航道   閱讀量:

雅思全真???3城聯考在本周末順利結束啦!考完之后,同學們都感覺如何呀?昨天19:00-21:00,我們的老師在直播中對??荚嚲磉M行了深度的解析。


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沒有觀看直播的同學也不要著急,下面我們來回顧一下??嫉膶懽黝}目,并獻上老師的示范及學生例卷的批改案例,供同學們參考。


寫作講解教師:章 躍


Task 1 題目

???

The plans below show the South Wing of Walton Museum in 2008 and in 2012 after it was redeveloped.


Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.



教師范例

???


不要分別說兩個圖,而是拿圖二比圖一


The two maps illustrate the difference between the year of 2012 of the South Wing of Walton Museum and 2008 of it.


首先觀察宏觀:The South Wing was expanded with upper levels as the additions to the building. 再按照從入口(作為起點)深入的方向細化去寫:First, to access the building, 引入“訪客”視角 →patrons should still use the path, and the original entrance was developed into an entrance hall. The special exhibition room underneath the entrance remained where it had been and stayed in its original condition, and the roof of the entrance hall was built as a terrace.“訪客”視角→ As a visitor went deeper into the complex, on the level of the entrance hall, the first stop would still be the reception, which had an added cloaks room. The shop on the lower level remained, and there was a new feature – a restaurant, on top of the reception.


“訪客”視角→ As the visitor reached further into the complex building, in addition to the reading room, which remained, the original cloaks room was changed into the children’s play area, and two additional upper levels were built. One is the self-service room above the reading room, and the other is the exhibition room above the self-service room.


總結時,就寫功能變化(變多或者變少或者沒變)、占地變化(變大或者變小或者沒變)、樓層(變大或者變小或者沒變):Overall, the building had more floors and, as a result, became more functional; however, the area remained the same. 


Task 2 題目

???

Some people believe that countries have a moral obligation to help each other. Others worry that the aid money cannot get to the poor.


Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.


★ 審題難點:1. 兩個view并不絕對沖突;2. a moral obligation。

★ 立場:不能因為有這樣的擔心而不互助。


考生習作及教師批改

???


Introduction


考生習作(黑色)--- 教師修改(橘紅色):


Nowadays, whether countries should help each other comes to be a heated debate. Although some people argue that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, others concern that the aid money cannot get to the poor. In my opinion, I incline to the former one. ← 俗套,太空泛?!?第一句話就可以暗示自己的立場:Admittedly, when international aid money is given to the poor nations, someone gets rich off the aid, and it is not the people who need the money. 然后轉折引出自己的立場:However, that is not an excuse for wealthy countries to avoid the obligation, the moral one, in helping nations struggling with poverty. 


Body


讓步段內容思路:產生這個worry是合理的,因為worry的事情不是沒有可能發生。


考生習作(黑色)--- 教師批改(橘紅色):


It is reasonable to worry about that aid money cannot be received by poor. Because something like corruption might ← 語氣太弱,可能性太低。happen and poor citizens will not get the money.  ← 語法錯誤:原因狀語從句不是獨立完整的句子?!?/span>The worry is reasonable because things like corruption is not a rare case but instead happens often. In some countries, corrupted officials take large portions of the money and leave a small amount for the needy. However, it doesn’t mean countries should not help each other with money ←籠統寬泛,等于什么都沒有說?!?/span>However, the risk or the concern does not justify the proposed cancelation of the aid.due to the small possibility of corruption. In other words, ←邏輯關系不合理?!?/span>As a matter of fact, governments will can take effectual measures, such as promote their institution more transparentpromoting transparency and strengthening supervision, to avoid corruption and← 贅述。 guarantee that the aid money will be sent toreach the poor. 整體說來,信息進展要快。


整理后 →The worry is reasonable because things like corruption are not rare cases but instead happen often. In some countries,corrupted officials take large portions of the money and leave a small amount for the needy. However, the risk or the concern does not justify the proposed cancelation of the aid. As a matter of fact, governments can take effectual measures, such aspromoting transparency and strengthening supervision, to guarantee that the aid money will reach the poor.


立論段內容思路:

1. Sympathy of a developed country is part of the global citizenship;

2. Some developed nations have historically taken advantage of other countries, and their aid is their redemption.


考生習作(黑色)--- 教師批改(橘紅色):


There is no doubt thatAs a matter of fact, sympathy of a developed country is part of the global citizenship. ← 中心句里的信息不要過分多。since countries with high GDP level are willing to help those developing countries which are in poor economic conditions.Seeing← 動詞分詞引導方式/原因狀語the poor suffering in the economic plight and the misery, affluent nations cannot help giving a helping hand. They have a caring heart for their fellowglobal citizens. For example, wealthy European countries make generous donations to undeveloped countries and areas because they cannot just stand aside. What is more, some developed nations have historically taken advantage of other countries, and their aid is their redemption. For instance, Some countries colonized other countries and looted resources many years agoin the past.which caused the stagnant of local economy,← 贅述。so they take responsibility to aid the deprived countries.In the present time, they make up for what they have done, and the aid is their compensation for their past wrong-deeds, and it is for their peace of mind. 


Conclusion


考生習作(黑色)--- 教師批改(橘紅色)


In conclusion, although sometimes the aid money cannot reach to the poor, some measures could be taken to avoid it. At the same time, countries do have a moral obligation to help each other due to their sympathy as a global citizen and their redemption to historical factors.


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